fragility

Funny how the good news mixed with the general crappiness of treatment weeks seems to be making me emotionally more fragile than usual. What is it with that? In some ways I almost feel like quitting the txs because--by damn--I am healthy again! If I'm healthy, then why must I (be made to) feel crappy? Perhaps it's the relief? I dunno. I don't really feel any relief. At this point I would like to reclaim my life outside the home, get back in shape, eat out, all of that fine stuff. But I cannot. Rationally, that is. All this is pretty maudlin. Everyone is completely supportive, I can use no more help, it surely isn't that. Must be me, just processing.

In any case, Round 4 was completed this morning in record time (oops, No. Five prednisones tomorrow a.m). Now I get to be fully involved in Xmas eating, etc. as the next tx isn't until two days after. Food is still a mixed blessing during tx weeks. Jan fixed me a lovely open-faced, melted-cheese and ham, half-sandwich, with what must be the last of our ever-ripening tomatoes (picked green) and it tasted reasonably good on the approach. And it is not sitting badly. It had the wonderful side-effect of stimulating the alimentary canal. Thank god for that.

So we progress and we process.