De Nile. It Ain't Just a River.

Jan and I mounted the blade on the plow truck on Tuesday preparatory to snows that will inevitably blanket our hillside this winter. It felt good to be out a while, doing something constructive. I even made Kicks rehearsal that evening. But there is payback. Wednesday and again this morning my fingers feel like sausages--unwieldy and fat. Moreover, after a decent rehearsal Tues evening, when I tried to play yesterday it was awful. I maybe accomplished 20-30 min before my chops froze up, and that was with a very restricted range. Add to these occurrences that I have increased tingling in my hands and feet. I fear that these are the beginnings of some peripheral neuropathy. At least one of the poisons--the Velcade--has this as a side effect. Essentially, along with the other stuff that it does, it also destroys nerve endings. I have dealt with neuropathy in a limited way ever since I had back surgery 30+ years ago. One unintended consequence of that surgery was the loss of feeling in several of the toes of my left foot, and a reduced left ankle reflex. As a result, when tired, I tend to limp on that side and scuff the left shoe. (I can see this when walking in snow in the winter: my tracks show a little drag of the left heel before the shoe imprints in the snow. This knowledge gained from dragging the garbage can down the hill in winter and then seeing my tracks on the way back up the hill. I also wear out the left heels of my shoes faster than the right ones.) Clearly, some neuropathy can be permanent, as this has been with me since then. And, perhaps also interesting, my left foot is where I am feeling the most change in current sensation. So, I hope this is not going to worsen a great deal (denial!), but since I have had only two of six treatments, probably should expect that it will.  However, my reading suggests the return of some, if not all, peripheral sensation in the months post-chemo (denial!). I will have to hold to that thought (denial!). It is very depressing to imagine that I may be finished playing my instrument at the level at which I have been this past year. I really cannot go there yet (absolute denial!). 

Additionally, since I am now seeing these effects well into the second week of the 21-day chemo cycle, I am going to have to revise my expectations on what I can expect during the time away from chemo. All-in-all, this is not happy making.